Don’t Get Trapped in the Prison of Past Decisions
Starting the journey of improving decision is daunting, the mental equivalent of taking the first step on a walk across America. Given all of the innate characteristics people share that make effective decision making a challenge in a rapidly changing world we are not naturally adapted to.
Although recently I’ve realized looking backwards can be even more paralyzing. Once you start to reexamine past decisions and realize how you could have handled them better it becomes a challenge to break free of the regret related to these decisions.
At the same time engaging in a review of past decisions can be a powerful tool to improve future decisions. After all if you were required to make a certain type of decision in the past there is a decent chance you will need to make a similar decision in the future. So rehashing the past to walk through how you could have approached the decision differently can prove beneficial. The question becomes how to reexamine the past productively, without feeling like you need to curl up in the fetal position.
The Ancient Wisdom of Stoics
A common representation of a stoic is Spock. Who rumor has it Gene Roddenberry cooked up after reading about the ancient philosophy. Spock is a less than perfect caricature of Stoicism though.
Stoicism as a philosophy was a product of a different time. Founded in Greece most of the surviving literature we have about it comes from prominent Roman practitioners including an emperor who was a passionate student Marcus Aurelius.
And back then you could easily find yourself in a more precarious circumstance than waiting in line at a store with a slow Wi-Fi connection. You could end up enslaved, banished to a remote island, or murdered at the whim of a tyrannical emperor. Given the vagaries of the time and the need to live life in an environment where things could go downhill rapidly the Stoics made the concept of acceptance a foundational tenant of their philosophy.
Acceptance Stoic Style
To a Stoic acceptance meant not getting hung up on the past because the decisions you made were determined by fate to provide the opportunity for learning experiences. This is an empowering way to evaluate the past because there’s nothing you could have done to change things. So they felt you should embrace the opportunity to learn from the past you were fated to live.
By adopting this mindset the past becomes a tool to improve the future rather than a burden to be carried in the present. Perhaps a cognitive error made in the past turns into a learning experience that leads to a great decision in the future when the stakes are higher.
Missing Opportunity
One of the things I find myself always lamenting is missed opportunities. Opportunities aren’t finite though and even though at the time it feels like you’ll never get another chance inevitably something else comes along. Of course then I miss it and the despondent spiral of regret begins anew.
When put into the prism of Stoicism though these missed opportunities are lessons that are preparing me to take advantage of the right opportunity when it comes along. No triumphant break through yet. Using this technique though has provided solace to me when regret begins its intrusion on my thoughts though.
An example of this is type of regret would be when a great idea strikes and you don’t have a pen and paper. All of a sudden you get distracted, the idea vanishes and all you’re left with when you come back to it later is a lingering vague impression that is no longer fully formed.
The next time this happens try to overcome the initial surge of regret. Maybe the idea wasn’t as great as you initially thought and now you don’t have to waste time on it. Or maybe it’s a great idea and the timing isn’t right. Your sub conscious might be doing you a favor by locking it up until circumstances are more favorable. Try to accept the notion that if it is meant to be the idea will return and if not then it won’t.
Meditate Actively
To develop the mentality of acceptance Stoics would often rehash their day through meditation at night. Their meditation strategy was mindful though versus mindless. So instead of trying to let go of their anxiety regarding losing the idea they would identify how losing the idea made them anxious and use a series of questions to overcome and accept the idea was lost for a purpose.
So a Stoic would close their eyes before bed and identify the anxiety they felt from the lingering vague impression of the idea. Accept the feeling of anxiety and then try to mitigate it by actively imaging why it might have been beneficial they forgot their great idea. Back in Roman times maybe it was harvest season and working on their idea could cause them to neglect their harvest and starve to death. So they might come to accept the lost idea as their subconscious way of telling them to stay focused on what’s important.
An updated example for modern times would be a flash of insight on the most brilliant app imaginable. Maybe it strikes you on a train while you’re standing during your commute so you can’t write it down. You get home and various things need to be taken care of so you never get the chance to note it. You sit down later and realize your fully formed app idea is gone. Instantly a wave of regret floods over you because your inevitable climb to billionairedom has been thwarted by life’s vagaries.
Maybe though the app wasn’t as great as you thought or there’s an app with identical functionality already out there. So before going to bed that night you could walk through potential positive reasons for the app idea disappearing and accept there was a reason you’ve forgotten about it. There is always the chance it will pop back into your head when the timing is right to find success. After all you don’t want to end up like Seth Rogen’s character in Knocked Up when he finds out the idea he’s been working on for his website for the last year was already being done by Mr. Skin.
He's published three books. Most recently The World After Covid 19: Coexisting with the Novel Coronavirus.
His musings can be found at stevenlmiller.me. Subscribe to The Pompatus Times for updates.
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